My book is printed! I have put it on Amazon, though the media launch is in early June. I have not just tried to produce something that it interesting to read, but is also a pleasure to hold and leaf through. Lots of colour, pictures and quotations.
I’m excited by the press interest (e.g. full page in the Telegraph end of May). The idea is to promote a new conversation about sharing roles, not just about swapping them. A plea for domestic democracy.
If the book sells, then it will finance the distribution of free information to parents through maternity services. It will be the culmination of years of work to get a different kind of information into maternity units on a permanent basis.
This is my argument.
Something has gone badly wrong:
* two thirds of parents say their relationship gets worse after a baby is born
* mothers report extreme pressure after a baby is born – fears about being seen as a bad mother, guilt, loss of identity; 10% of mothers suffer from depression, an epidemic
* two thirds of mothers and fathers think fathers don’t spend enough time with their babies; mothers do not think men do enough at home
* many fathers do not feel they belong at home any more
* mothers get 39 weeks of leave, fathers get 2 weeks; the pay gap between women and men started going up again when this was introduced
* one third of children see their parents split up
I argue that the heart of the problem is the radical division of labour and responsibility after a baby is born, leaving mothers – who mostly live in small family units – with not nearly enough support. I argue that family life was never meant to be like this. The mum-in-charge-at-home-and-dad-at-work model of family life was invented only in the last few moments of human history; for the rest of history, families shared working and caring roles much more.
“She doesn’t mean to, but she makes me feel incompetent, like a mediocre parent. She just has a way of correcting what I say and do…I can feel myself withdrawing and it scares me.” A father
“If he’s never around and keeps coming home later than he said he would, someone has to be in charge at home and it’s not going to be him, is it?” A mother
