Comments on: The struggles of single parents in UK

By: Jennifer White

Jennifer White — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 13:41:53 +0000

Nice Post……..It has been found that a mom who is a single parent may have a hard time teaching her sons about the things a dad would normally cover and a single father may have a hard time discussing female issues with his daughters.

By: John

John — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 23:55:53 +0000

Can anyone help me please ????

I have been seperated for over a year now and I see my daughter almost exactly half of her time. I drop her and pick her up from school half the time. I have a good job and my own home and so does my wife. When we split I gave her half of everything – so why am I paying her over £400 a month in child maintainance ?. She works 5 days a week and gets a good wage. I buy my daughter her own clothers for here, her food etc etc ?I dont understand why I have to give her this money when I have just as much to pay for too.

By: anomynous

anomynous — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 01:44:49 +0000

I am a single mother and I look after my daughter 5 days a week and her father has her on the weekends he does not pay child maintenance and I have made it very clear that I dont want his money.What I want is for him to share responsibility when issues arise concerning his daughter. I am a full time postgraduate student and I have always had teh ambition to become a teacher since I was a teenager. When I got pregnant I wanted to have an abortion and he said that we should'nt get rid of a child because of financial and pratical convenience and he promised me that he would always help me if I needed it. After we separated he started to say that the government is paying me to look after the baby and therefore for 5 days a week I have to do everything on my own, all I get is 18 pounds and I do not get housig benefit or child tax credits because I am a psotgraduate student. When my daughter gets ill I ahve to look after her as she cant attend nursery and I have my tutors telling me that if I miss any pratical school experience days I might fail th course. I want him to take time off work occasionaly to look after his daughter so that way I wont lose my place at university and if we take turns caring for her when she gets ill then he and I can progress and build a future for our daughter however he has already said on more than one occasion that he doesnt want me to become a teacher as I would be more successful than him. If what your saying is true that you do care for your child and take the 50/50 responsibility than I understand your fustration and anger.

By: karenwoodall

karenwoodall — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:35:19 +0000

Have to say Duncan - welcome to the real world - you are not telling us anything new.

CSF has been campaigning against this for over a decade.

Those of us working with separated families know exactly what is needed to make change. Our work with the Child Maintenance Options service shows what a difference can be made to the lives of dads like this when services are respectful and supportive. Sadly even here, where tiny changes have been made, the lobby to return to punitive approaches remains strong.

Until the whole structure of support to separated families is changed in the UK dads like this will continue to get the same treatment. Its just a fact and those of us working with dads have to do what we can where we can to offer support.

Its not like this in Europe where gender mainstreaming leads to equality in family policy and a deep appreciation for the importance of mothers and fathers.

By: karenwoodall

karenwoodall — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:26:46 +0000

Have to say Duncan, welcome to the real world!

This exemplifies the issues that we have been campaigning against in the UK for a decade. If you remember it is the core of what I spoke about in 2004 at roundtable meeting arranged by the Fatherhood Institute.

This situation is created and perpetuated by organisations who actively encourage mother control after separation. It is also perpetuated by the current legislation governing Child Maintenance. Despite the fact that mums and dads can choose to make an arrangement together, there is a strong and significant lobby to return to active enforcement of payment from the word go. The message to the parent with care - usually mother is that she has the choice to wield absolute power if she wishes to.

We continue to experience a deep lack of respect for fathers in our policy and practice around separated families which is rooted in fear, stereotype and an unwillingness to move towards equality.

CSF has worked tirelessly to change that. Since 1999 we have campaigned for a change to the way in which support to separated families is delivered. We achieved some change. We trained the Child Maintenance Options service in equalities based support to separated mothers and fathers, at least now the first point of contact with Child Maintenance doesn't make dads feel like criminals.

We almost achieved much more than that but the DCSF chose to listen to your campaign and fund more of the same kind of delivery instead of being brave enough to do what the DWP did and fund something that makes a real difference to the lives of dads like this.

Making the headlines is not the same as making a difference and those of us who work with separated families day in day out know what difference needs to be made.

Working with European partners in nine different countries shows us that it doesn't have to be this way. Respect for dads is high in countries where gender equality means family policy that supports both parents before and after separation. We are learning lessons for future campaigns so that one day dads like this will be changed forever for the better.

By: grahamold

grahamold — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:32:43 +0000

Many of the Dads I work with face this exact scenario. I find it so frustrating when they speak to me and presume that there must be some way to change this.

It seems to me that the culprit is our out-of-date system that cannot cope with the flexibility necessary to work with contemporary families. Well, that and the assumption that the Dad's gonna be the bad guy.

By: davewiddop

davewiddop — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:01:36 +0000

it is true to say that in many casesa Father ends up giving and giving to these beligerant women.
It sickens me to the stomach I was in the same position as both of the cases above I had my own home, I worked , I paid child support every week and as a result I lived on Baked Beans.. Sometimes I would wait till the supermarket was about to close and stand there waiting for the price of food to be reduced before I could afford it .
Meanwhile my ex wife got remarried she bought a new car, so did her husband then came the day when she asked me if her new husband could adopt my children after all she said then you will be free and will not have to pay child support. I refused she stopped me seeing my children for 3 years. I went to court it cost me everything I even had to remortgage my house , she was on legal aid.. In the end I had to drop the case as I had nothing left . She then let me see the children.
And so began many years where although I was divorced from my ex wife she maintained total control over me. I was told what I had to buy my children for xmas, where I had to take them out etc etc.
If I behaved and never questioned her then I was allowed to go see my children in school plays.
All I can tell you Fathers out their is that they comes a time when your children are no longer children they grow up , they make up their own minds and begin to question the years of poison which have been dripped into their minds.

By: davewiddop

davewiddop — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:53:38 +0000

These Women need stopping how in modern day society can this be allowed to continue.
I have two ex wives I have children to both of these the first left and things were fine to begin with then she met another man who wanted to adopt my children. I was told it would be better for me after all she siad ” I would not have to pay child support” when I refused she stopped me seeing the children
I took it to court and £9k later I had to drop the case because I ran out of Money as soon as I did she let me see the children again and so was to begin years where I was terrified to challenge her .
One thing I can say is that children are not children forever they grow up and make their own choices unfortunately for me both my ex wives choose to drip the poison into my childrens minds and care about revenge more than the welfare of the children but I live in hope that one day my children will make their own decisions based on the truth .
Unfortunately until this bullying by ex wives is brought to a end we will have a third world family law system which contionues to give the mother of the children absolute and total power and control over the childs Father in her mind revenge is sweet!!!!

By: beckyjarvis

beckyjarvis — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:46:42 +0000

Our members are constantly faced with these difficult choices. On Monday I was speaking to a member, John, who cares for his children 50% of the time. He is currently unemployed and has recently lost his house; luckily there is space in his parent’s house for him and the children to stay. The Grandparents’ Association refer to these children as ‘boomerang kids’, they hear about this situation regularly.

He still has a private arrangement with his children’s mother and pays her £50 a week. The mum is not in employment either. She receives housing benefits, the child benefit etc. John receives nothing and is completely reliant on his parents at this point.

John, like many others is terrified about rocking the boat. He called me because he thought I might be able to help and advise him how to get housing benefit. He needs a house with at least two rooms for his children. Unfortunately the council did not recognise this caring roll and he will not be able to receive support for anything more than a one bedroom flat. Sadly, I wasn’t able to help. Nor are we able to help the many other fathers in this situation. State support seems unable to recognise this situation.

FNF have been raising awareness of the lack of support for ‘single fathers’ for years. There is a possibility for John to receive child benefit for one of his children (he has two) but he is terrified to pursue this because he lives in fear that he will lose his children.